HUGE UPDATE

Huge update about to be posted but I keep on forgetting/ am too lazy to post such a big update..... Not really huge but huge in my mind...

Process

Why?
For what reason?
Am I learning?
Am I progressing?
How do I know?

A Sigh of Relief

Cleared for classes for Fall 2010
Cleared for Summer Abroad in Beijing

Nothing else to worry about except finals and essays

7 days of school left
2 Finals
2 Essays
1 Group Project
I'm Done

East and West

Twin, am I the Twin?
I wish our connection was stronger
I can feel the connection but its weak
But don't worry Ill be over in a jiffy
Give me 1 month
And I'll solve this little riddle

Hey, remember your only 18?
Take it slow just like you said you would to me in the mountain
Remember it could be a test?
Was she the one who turned on that light?
Your Best Friend on the right, and her on the left
Signs, Signs, Signs
I had this phase, I was engulfed in trying to live a righteous life
I was only concentrating on Him
But then the temptations came so easily
I fell in a matter of mere seconds
I don't know
I'm just as confused as you as what to do in life
But what I do know is to take a step back
And take a breath
I say continue it as a friendship and build the relationships around you
My mistake first semester was chasing after someone
I lost others around me
But after I've fallen this far, now I can take that breath, that step backwards
And see what I've done and can learn from
Hmmmm seems there's no more Tsoju left in the bottle....
It's hard but try to resist it and focus on whats important right now
Just live life day by day
WWJD? - Yes but it's hard
That's why you surround yourself with good brothers and sisters so they can catch you when you fall
We're just a bunch of patients in a hospital of sinners
But we're recovering together
And learning together
Sounds like your former 1st quarter self found a way into a different form this time...
But I can't judge I'm not there
Maybe you've found someone to grow along with
Can she help you grow?
Can she help you learn?
Can she hurt you?
Can she show you the right path?
Can YOU be the one to show her the right path?

I keep falling but I pick myself back up again

I've learned a new beginning starts with one's failures
I've learned I can't keep promises
I've learned how to avoid thinking about my issues
I've learned I need to face them now and deal with new ones in the future
I've learned I really need to fight it day by day
I've learned all it takes is hard work
I've learned hard work is hard
I've learned a solitary life and a social life is hard to balance
I've learned God gives me both
I've learned prayer works when my heart truly is in the right place for it
I've learned God is a fair God
I've learned God is a Jealous God
I've learned that I don't know my scripture
I've learned that I need to fear God but don't know how
I've learned monumental change is only a delusion
I've learned its day to day, slow but steady
I've learned I need community
I've learned I am a member of a Church
I've learned I am a patient in a hospital full of sinners
I've learned I have in me all 7 deadly sins
I've learned I need to seek help in my brothers and sisters
I've learned I am weak
I've learned I can grow
I've learned I am growing
I've learned I am learning

19

I feel like nothing
I feel like I haven't done much
but I feel like I've done alot only when I remember

As life goes on
So do we
Happy Birthday to me....?

After all those frivolous celebrations for the past 18 years
Going to church for Easter service
and eating dinner is all I feel like doing this year
Yet that sounds selfish in itself

But I feel empty about it
I feel indifferent to this 19th year
I don't care if only 4 people say Happy Birthday to me
I don't care if I don't spend it with my family
I don't care if no one says Happy Birthday to me
Or at least I should have that kind of heart

I care that at least I have someone to spend it with
At least that's what I've come to realize
And I should be thankful for everything that I have

I guess this is me growing up
Realizing that your one tiny fish out in a vast deep blue sea

I've been looking forward to this day for the past 18 years
But for this 19th year I didn't even realize it's been 365 days past the last celebration
I wasn't even counting the days down
I didn't even realize it was my birthday till I entered my dorm and saw
A sign saying Celebrate Easter on April 4th
15 minutes ago

I guess that shows how much I've grown
Or I guess that shows how much I don't care anymore
But here it is
Happy Birthday to me....

Thank You God for letting me see another beautiful day
Thank You God for letting me experience life and being able to realize I'm growing up
Thank You God for giving me the opportunities I have had
Thank You God for giving me everything I have ever wanted or needed
Thank You God for giving me Family and Friends
And Thank You God for the Best Present ever - making me realize you provide me with everything every second of everyday