Back to Blogging....

Summer was a crazy time...
So much to experience
So much to prove
Sound of my adventure

Beijing was quite an experience
Being in Asia is a lot of fun
Bearing in mind I had to experience so much
Brought me to putting God last place

Rest of the summer was to forget about school
Resting and hanging out
Relenting on my focus on God
Return to school

School is hectic
So is my walk
So are my priorities
So became my reason

I thought that I could go back
I thought it would be easy
Intent was strong
I couldn't follow through

Reading the Bible
Resting in God's grace
Reflecting on my past actions
Returning to God

I wanted my spiritual life like it was last semester
I wanted to put God back at the top of my list
I wanted to read the Bible daily again and pray every night
I wanted to do these things

So I thought these things
But it was a laundry list
Reasoning with God
So became my priority
I need to do this to get back in touch with God
Ready, set, go!
I failed

Church
Constantly, I think
Constantly, I do
Consequences are instability

Not I must
Not I think
Not I do
Not I

Receiving his love
Realizing I will never be able to do these things
Responding to the Word
Repenting and Thanking

I'm back...
At least I hope

Perspective

I watched Ratatouille a few days ago and what the critic said at the climax of the movie kind of hit me, hard. I need some perspective in my life.

My life in a nutshell...

Up
Down
Up
Down
Up
Down
Up
Down

Down..............

I need some time for reflection....

Return

Coming home early.......

HUGE UPDATE

Huge update about to be posted but I keep on forgetting/ am too lazy to post such a big update..... Not really huge but huge in my mind...

Process

Why?
For what reason?
Am I learning?
Am I progressing?
How do I know?

A Sigh of Relief

Cleared for classes for Fall 2010
Cleared for Summer Abroad in Beijing

Nothing else to worry about except finals and essays

7 days of school left
2 Finals
2 Essays
1 Group Project
I'm Done

East and West

Twin, am I the Twin?
I wish our connection was stronger
I can feel the connection but its weak
But don't worry Ill be over in a jiffy
Give me 1 month
And I'll solve this little riddle

Hey, remember your only 18?
Take it slow just like you said you would to me in the mountain
Remember it could be a test?
Was she the one who turned on that light?
Your Best Friend on the right, and her on the left
Signs, Signs, Signs
I had this phase, I was engulfed in trying to live a righteous life
I was only concentrating on Him
But then the temptations came so easily
I fell in a matter of mere seconds
I don't know
I'm just as confused as you as what to do in life
But what I do know is to take a step back
And take a breath
I say continue it as a friendship and build the relationships around you
My mistake first semester was chasing after someone
I lost others around me
But after I've fallen this far, now I can take that breath, that step backwards
And see what I've done and can learn from
Hmmmm seems there's no more Tsoju left in the bottle....
It's hard but try to resist it and focus on whats important right now
Just live life day by day
WWJD? - Yes but it's hard
That's why you surround yourself with good brothers and sisters so they can catch you when you fall
We're just a bunch of patients in a hospital of sinners
But we're recovering together
And learning together
Sounds like your former 1st quarter self found a way into a different form this time...
But I can't judge I'm not there
Maybe you've found someone to grow along with
Can she help you grow?
Can she help you learn?
Can she hurt you?
Can she show you the right path?
Can YOU be the one to show her the right path?

I keep falling but I pick myself back up again

I've learned a new beginning starts with one's failures
I've learned I can't keep promises
I've learned how to avoid thinking about my issues
I've learned I need to face them now and deal with new ones in the future
I've learned I really need to fight it day by day
I've learned all it takes is hard work
I've learned hard work is hard
I've learned a solitary life and a social life is hard to balance
I've learned God gives me both
I've learned prayer works when my heart truly is in the right place for it
I've learned God is a fair God
I've learned God is a Jealous God
I've learned that I don't know my scripture
I've learned that I need to fear God but don't know how
I've learned monumental change is only a delusion
I've learned its day to day, slow but steady
I've learned I need community
I've learned I am a member of a Church
I've learned I am a patient in a hospital full of sinners
I've learned I have in me all 7 deadly sins
I've learned I need to seek help in my brothers and sisters
I've learned I am weak
I've learned I can grow
I've learned I am growing
I've learned I am learning

19

I feel like nothing
I feel like I haven't done much
but I feel like I've done alot only when I remember

As life goes on
So do we
Happy Birthday to me....?

After all those frivolous celebrations for the past 18 years
Going to church for Easter service
and eating dinner is all I feel like doing this year
Yet that sounds selfish in itself

But I feel empty about it
I feel indifferent to this 19th year
I don't care if only 4 people say Happy Birthday to me
I don't care if I don't spend it with my family
I don't care if no one says Happy Birthday to me
Or at least I should have that kind of heart

I care that at least I have someone to spend it with
At least that's what I've come to realize
And I should be thankful for everything that I have

I guess this is me growing up
Realizing that your one tiny fish out in a vast deep blue sea

I've been looking forward to this day for the past 18 years
But for this 19th year I didn't even realize it's been 365 days past the last celebration
I wasn't even counting the days down
I didn't even realize it was my birthday till I entered my dorm and saw
A sign saying Celebrate Easter on April 4th
15 minutes ago

I guess that shows how much I've grown
Or I guess that shows how much I don't care anymore
But here it is
Happy Birthday to me....

Thank You God for letting me see another beautiful day
Thank You God for letting me experience life and being able to realize I'm growing up
Thank You God for giving me the opportunities I have had
Thank You God for giving me everything I have ever wanted or needed
Thank You God for giving me Family and Friends
And Thank You God for the Best Present ever - making me realize you provide me with everything every second of everyday

Midterms and the rain...... sigh

SOOOOO I have 2 midterms this week... 1 of them I already had yesterday and the other is thursday. Let me just say I have never studied for 8 hours straight before, but on monday I accomplished such a feat thanks to studying with 5 girls and 1 guy in my Tourism class. That was a fun experience gossiping/studying always works the best :) But studying really pays off! I really didn't realize that till now for some reason............ I think I got maybe a 100% on my Tourism midterm hehe but I don't know. But now I have the dread ECON midterm on thursday, so I pray God will give me the strength to pull an all-dayer tomorrow to study :)

Today I walked from the library back to my dorm without an umbrella, but it was nice getting hit by the falling rain. Just looking up at the sky and seeing the falling drops was amazing. Today I don't regret coming to the east coast, but i'm getting more homesick by the day. I miss my family....

p.s. Man I miss high school.... What I'd give to have the talks again with tsoju, mastermind, and marimo...... sigh We going to mountain cafe again right tso?

Beijing

Woohoo got accepted into Peking University for the NYU Beijing study abroad for this summer at :) I'll be living in Beijing for 7 weeks. Mando here I come!

Home

Home is where the heart is????? NO, home is where the GOGI IS!!!!!!!
I <3 Ktown

Lazy

Weak

and Empy-minded

these three things are what I am becoming these days...

Freshman year has really made me think alot on life, family,and friendship. For the past two months it's been taking me two hours to fall asleep because my mind does not stop running around trying to solve my past present and future. But one conclusion I've come to make is family is the best...

Past 3 Weeks..............

These past three weeks have been pretty crazy I gotta say..... I went to an Utada Hikaru concert which was a really interesting experience waiting 3 hours in line and then hearing her amazing voice live. And then I went back home to LA and ate a crapload of delicious food, BRAZILIAN BBQ then came back to NY and then got freaking FOOD POISONING from a portobello tomato basil bisque from my school cafeteria nonetheless........ I was sick for two days just lying in bed. Then I went to my church retreat in Garrison where West Point is. Garrison is Beautiful. Its right next to the Hudson River and you can see West Point across the river and even hear the gunshots from practice. About 50 people went to our college retreat and it was a really fun time. The guys got to stay at the GOOGLE house! Its a vacation home owned by a korean family that goes to my church, but the crazy thing is the guy that owns this house is David Eun the Vice President of Google. WOW the house was huge and amazing from designer couches to Ondol floor heating on all three floors except the basement...(4 floors).... wow talk about a successful KA and its gotta be this guy. but this retreat was really interesting because we got to talk about sex and marriage. It really helped me to understand why we as christians we grow in community and have this thing we call marriage in order to support each other. One quote that will stick with me forever is by the head pastor in my church Tim Keller - "If we use our sexuality only for indivudual recreation rather than the nurture of long term relationships and community, everyone suffers. This only confirms the older view that sex is not a private matter, that it has public purposes. Sexuality either builds and strengthens the social fabric or tears it apart. Biblically, it is wicked to ignore these claims of the community on your sexuality and simply have sex apart from household buildings. How you use your sexuality actually affects everyone around you. Your sex life therefore is not just your business. It is everybodys business." Bottom line no sex before marriage and sex is only there to strengthen your marriage and people around you. Makes sense right? Yesterday I got to go see my first play performed at BAM the Brooklyn Academy of Music. I got to see The Tempest directed by Sam Mendes whos directed movies like American Beauty and Revolutionary Road and hes married to Kate Winslet! but this play was amazing the characters from the tempest were beautifully portrayed. Shakespeare would be proud. THe lead guy who played prospero is supposedly the best british shakeperean actor right now and there was couple other actors who have been in various films. But the stage the set the lighting was amazing....................

Comfort Food...

So these days I've realized I cannot live on without rice.... I'm sluggish and have no energy to work or study. I NEED BBAP! It's been one week since I've had bbap. I'm planning tonight to order some korean food at a nearby restaurant. It better be good or else ima go crazy..............

The Start and Finish

Silver Halahbuhji and Abigail, these flowers are for you.....

What does God have in store for us? No one knows, but one thing is certain, and we never know when it hits. I thank God for helping her survive the surgery, and I thank God that he had a long and beautiful life. At first I had my doubts, but in the end I am thankful. His family will be in great pain for a while, and her family, my cousins, will cry for a while, but they will always be able to thank God for what he has done. I realize now how easily my life can be destroyed. I better live better is the thought that comes across my mind.... But I don't think that is what God is saying here. I must be fruitful in my life (Galations Ch.5 Vs. 22-23) in order to have others bear fruit and be plentiful. The world needs fruit and we gain fruit when others decay, but as the decayed fruit drops from the tree, it gives nutrition for another tree to grow fruit.

my first post

YEAH!!! finally a blog to write on... I guess I will be mainly writing on NYC and the foods I eat, music, struggle with friendship, and trying to figure out where I am on my walk with God. I feel lost these days.....